it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
