There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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