Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
