I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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