Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
