I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
