In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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