Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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