you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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