well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
