You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
