I seem to have left my pride at pride
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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