I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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