rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
