i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
