oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
