It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
