I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
