That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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