I've blown a few things in my day
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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