I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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