Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
