I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
