Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
