Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if only i could text you this smell
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
