She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
