I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
