Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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