i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
