why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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