do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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