She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
