my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
