Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
