I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
