You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
