I am spending my child support on dildos
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
