i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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