There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They took my balls.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
