Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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