; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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