Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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