I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
