Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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