I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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