i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
How's work?
Spinning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
