oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
