What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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