I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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