Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
